Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Turning the Hard into the Harms

"I like things that don't come to easily or too quickly." --Ed Viesturs

I'm not necessarily a person who always takes the hard way, but I seem to be pretty comfortable with it.  I appreciate the hard about certain endeavors and firmly believe the challenge is what makes them great, and me better.  If I perform a whole task from scratch, I learn it and I own it.  I'm in control of the fact that if something goes wrong, it's my fault...if it was my fault, I can change it. 

I suppose this could be considered a little control-freakish.  I would argue it's because there are few things that I actually have control over.

I've always felt destined to do something great in my life, to make myself worthy of some elite group of conquerors.  I feel like I legitimately have been close a couple times.  In track, I'm in the constant presence of Olympians and All-Americans...but I'm not one myself. I wasn't bad, but I wasn't amazing.  My high school class of 22 has an accomplished musician, an F18 Super Honet pilot, and a doctor who is the chief resident at a top teaching hospital.  Again surrounded by amazing people who are even more amazing at their craft, but I have yet to find that thing in which I'm a phenom.

Perhaps it's because of my own insecurities that I strive for greatness.  I would say it would be foolish not to include this as a reason.  I'm a little more sensitive than people think, couple that with being competitive and I'm in an all out war with myself.  I want to KNOW beyond doubt that I have mastered something. I have always found glory in mastering a task, and I typically find happiness in glory.  I have been that person who is reliably consistent, but I also feel like this role gets over looked a lot.  I assume this role in both play and life, whether it be in volleyball or friendship, work or dating. It's not that I need the attention, but the confidence.

I'm ready to find my thing.  I've read a lot of memoirs and biographies of people who achieved what no one even thought to attempt and one common factor in all of these stories is that they asked, "Why not me?"  The most recent book I read was about Ed Viesturs.  His response to when people ask him "Why? Why do you do it? Why is climbing so great?" 

"If you have to ask, you'll never know."

I want to know.

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